hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
