We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
