There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
