please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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