I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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