Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
