thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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