She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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