screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
