My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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