This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sext me about skeletons
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
