Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
