Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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