the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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