Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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