if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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