there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
