did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
