I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
