I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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