I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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