So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
