I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its liver damage thursday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
