do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
