i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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