Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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