I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
