If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
