I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
