my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
