My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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