dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
