she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
