Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
