East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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