Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
