he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
