remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
