it hurts more in the daytime
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
