you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
