She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize