Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
