i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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