Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize