If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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