Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
