I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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