Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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