Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
