I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize