I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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