I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
