So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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