I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
