I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
