dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
