Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
