At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
