I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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