Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And then he peed in my hair
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