Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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