I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
