Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
