Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
