I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
