I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
