my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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