I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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