my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
