i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
